i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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