I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
