A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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