I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
