So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
