So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
