i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Found the puke drawer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
