Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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