You're so nebulous sometimes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
