drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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