Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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