So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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