My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
