false alarm. still invincible.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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