its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
