How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
