My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
