i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
