playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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