This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
