Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Barsexuality is the new black.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
