Do you still have your period?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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