Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
