one two three fourrrrnication!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
