Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
