I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
