His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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