I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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