DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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