There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
