you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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