dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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