my phone needs a breathalizer
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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