shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
