When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Blood and glitter go together right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
