Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
