No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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