i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
