who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
