Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
