I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Damn victory sex feels great
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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