a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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