Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
