Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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