i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
