That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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