90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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