I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
