in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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