My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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