we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
