I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
