when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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