ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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