My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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