You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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