Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
