its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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